


It's Okay

by pintowrites



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Comfort/Angst, Dubious Consent, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Waiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-14
Updated: 2013-10-14
Packaged: 2017-12-29 09:07:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1003578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pintowrites/pseuds/pintowrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes it's all a King can give, and sometimes it's perfectly okay.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Okay

The first time it happens is a disaster.

Arthur's all groping hands and dark cupboards and _necessity_ without explanation, wanting without asking, and " _not a word of this, Merlin._ " It's hasty and _messy_ and uncoordinated. It's tangled limbs and bruised elbows and cramped spaces.

And it's okay, he thinks. It has to be okay.

Merlin continues through the day like nothing has happened because he knows that's what Arthur would want, and that's what Arthur _needs_. Arthur didn't have tell him, he _knows_. He knows, and this is how it has to be. 

He tends the horses and does the wash, he draws a bath and tries not to look when Arthur slides into it and sighs, a King's burden rising off of his shoulders in time with the steam clouding Merlin's vision as much as the former clouds Arthur's. 

It was like any other day, except it wasn't. And it was okay. 

The second time it happens isn't so dark and cramped but it's just as hasty and secretive and full of orders to be quiet lest someone should hear, even though Arthur is the loud one, even though they're doors and corridors and _chambers_ away from anyone in the castle. But Merlin is quiet anyway because that's what Arthur needs. And that's okay. 

The next time he draws Arthur's bath he _looks_ , and Arthur sees him. And this time, it's okay. He says nothing and Arthur dismisses him with a wave of his hand, with pink cheeks unrelated to the heat of the water, with a hasty "that will be all, Merlin," and it's okay. 

The third time it happens is similar and, yet, different from the first time. Arthur is all hands again, all desire and want and unabashed _need_ for skin on skin and Merlin's nails sliding harshly down his back; an act he no longer apologizes for, an act that Arthur will have to explain away to the Knights during practice, an act that Merlin will see the results of the next time they're together and smile to himself. And he knows there will be a next time, and that's better. 

This time they're in his chambers, and it's risky and loud and _hot_. 

The bed is loud. Arthur is loud. The door is unlocked and this time there is no "not a word of this," and "that will be all, Merlin," and "be _quiet_ , Merlin," but the rules don't need to be spoken for Merlin to know they still apply. And it's okay. It's better. 

They kiss and bite and his teeth are on Arthur's shoulder, stifling a moan, stifling his name because shouting it somehow seems much too intimate. Merlin blindly gropes at whatever he can reach, whatever elicits a shallow breath, whatever grants a jerky buck of Arthur's hips followed by a gasp from the both of them. 

It isn't fast for the sake of being fast, it isn't rushed for the need to hurry, to move on, to erase suspicion regarding their absence. It's better. 

They don't last. Arthur comes with his face buried in the crook of Merlin's neck and Merlin swears he hears his name. And it's okay, because Merlin says his too with his legs wrapped around Arthur's hips, with his own come on his belly and a flutter in his heart. 

He cleans them both up and they don't speak. They catch one another's gaze and look away with pink cheeks and sweaty skin and the faintest traces of a smile. But Merlin leaves, because he knows that's what Arthur needs. He continues on with his chores, and his day. And that's okay. 

It's okay because it's different, now. It's okay because sometimes Arthur holds his gaze for a little longer. It's okay because sometimes Arthur grabs his hand to get his attention and doesn't let go when Merlin gives it. Sometimes he gives him the day off just because, though Merlin secretly wished he wouldn't. It's okay because sometimes Arthur invites him to dine with him and they talk about training, about the latest hunt, about a rousing fight with Gwaine and Merlin smiles and nods and is _happy._

They find time to be alone and it's often rushed and messy, it's often without notice and taken by surprise. It's often expected that they continue on throughout their day as normal and Merlin does, because he knows he has to.

Sometimes it's close and intimate and _perfect_ and sometimes they lie together for a while. Arthur doesn't ask him to leave but Merlin always does, and it's okay because Merlin knows it's all a King can give and for now, just for now, it's all Merlin wants. 

And it's okay.

**Author's Note:**

> See? I'm down with all the Merlin ships. (:
> 
> You can also read this on;
> 
> livejournal: http://pintowrites.livejournal.com/911.html  
> tumblr: http://pintowrites.tumblr.com/post/63989126399/its-okay


End file.
